minutia press.
On Wisconsin!

Lucas has posted about the wonders that await the intrepid adventurer in the beautiful yet factual Dairy State. They even have a state dog in Wisconsin. How can you dislike a state that has a sanctioned canine? And contrary to popular opinion, the state bird is neither the mosquito nor the construction crane.

But what the web sites hide so carefully are the delights of the Dells. Years ago, some farmer in Wisconsin realized how the area's natural beauty could only be improved by hosting the country's best water park. Surely you've heard of the famous Farmer in the Dells? Well, he was just the Farmer inthe Dell back when he was singular.

No water park should be without a theme, and the Dells was launched into pentecostal prominence when its water park was named Noah's Ark. The only downside to this is that you have to file into the park two-by-two.

You could probably spend at least two days at the water park, but we only spent one. My favorite "ride" was the very high, almost vertical water slide. You climb up some 200 cubits of stairs and then sit on the edge of the thing without much proof of structure underneath. You push yourself out and fall, with arms, legs, fingers, and eyes crossed. My oldest kid and I climbed up, but she lacked the faith to take the quick way down. The plunge was well worth the climb, and there wasn't much of a wait at this or any attraction at the park.

Penultimately, I must whey in with one last observation on the Dairy State. As one who has tried personally to make edible cheese, but who has succeeded in making only hockey pucks, I was eager to visit a cheese factory. I missed my chance as a grad student in Urbana-Champaign (Smell of Kraft brings Cooling Draft was the weather motto of the day). Every store we visited had some form of cheese or dairy product for sale. But just try to find out where the stuff is made. I must have been the only tourist in the past century who wanted to see a cheese factory in Wisconsin. I guess that's because I now live in the Show Me state. A dairy farm and cheese factory were eventually identifed to me, but they were some 100 miles from the Dells, and my family did not share my longing for lactose.

Finally I should say that our visit to Wisconsin remains one of our best trips. We vacationed there with a family we know well from Chicago, and when the 11 of us travel we always have a great time. If we return to Wisconsin sans Kinder, we might just knock on Doerr county next. I hear it's great too.


I think those vertical slides are very popular with guys who like to watch for women's tops to come flying off.

Posted by: Nathan at August 17, 2003 9:40 AM

Well, I had my glasses off of course, and without them I can't see far at all.

Posted by: rkc at August 17, 2003 5:10 PM

I believe this post now holds the record for most puns in the community. Well done! :-)

Posted by: Chris Hill Festival at August 17, 2003 9:47 PM

I honestly did not mean to imply that you would be doing such a thing, Prof. Cytron. I just remember reading an article in a magazine a couple of years ago about how when Disney built one of those slides, they put in a special "viewing" area that became quite popular.

Posted by: Nathan at August 17, 2003 10:33 PM

You went to the Dells and didn't ride on the post-WWII ducks? Those had to be the best ride... amphibious vehicles driving around the dells... I guess nowhere else in the world.

Posted by: Ed at August 18, 2003 1:32 AM

Door County is supposed to be great, but I've never been there. As a native Wisconsonian I can recommend the "up north" area.. check out http://www.upnorthresorts.com/

Posted by: Adam at August 18, 2003 4:30 PM

Nathan, no offense -- I was just kidding around.

Ed, of course we road the Ducks. We also rode them at Branson. I think the Dells was a better ride -- not much traffic and a lot more time on the water.

Chris, without the ability to post for so long, the puns had backed up to the point where logical thought could not occur until the puns were purged. I became post-mental-pausal and figured that putting all the puns in one post would be the safest way out.

Posted by: rkc at August 18, 2003 9:38 PM