minutia press.
The secret is out

Lucas has posted about the super powers bequeathed on those worthy to earn a Master of Science degree. It's true: they can control the weather, cause earthquakes, and levitate our country's GNP using only the power of their minds.

Unfortunately, most MS graduates control the weather by moving to California. Actually, that's also the way they cause earthquakes. As for the GNP, well, I think Bill Gates has an honorary MS degree from somewhere. If not, Wash U, here'$ an opportunity you $houldn't pas$$ up (by the way, that's how B-$chool $tudent$ do 3733t).

Lucas wants the cape to accompany the job, but what he doesn't realize is that the standard-issue gown used for graduation is in fact a Cape of Wonders. Its bright colors aren't just for style. Like the bee and the blow fish, the colors serve to warn evil predators that the person inside is not to be taken lightly.

I do feel obligated to point out that the super powers are garnered only by those MS students who write a thesis. The course-only option is good only for free admission to certain theme parks, and you have to be wearing your cape. The project option comes with a coupon good for one free thesis-format-check from Ouida Jackson, our School's Formatting Fascist Fatale.

Oh, and unless your thesis contains an utterly convincing proof of an NP-complete problem, the super powers wear off by the end of the graduation ceremony. At least you get to enjoy them for a while.